My Duty is to my Heart
by Iamawitch
Summary: To love is to take a risk and you're a risk that is worth taking.


_**Disclaimer:** It would be just great if I own Harry Potter._

_**A/N:** Wow, this fanfic has took me quite some time to write. Enjoy!_

* * *

"Where are you going?"

Hermione Granger ignored the question and simply walked towards the door with determination.

A strong arm caught her elbow, making her came to a halt.

"I'm talking to you. Don't you know how to respect your professors? Let me ask you one more time: Where are you going?" Severus Snape ordered in an alarming tone.

"I'm leaving this forsaken place. And you, you are no longer my professor and I don't see why I should respect you for what you've done." She hissed.

"Why?" he demanded, his question was short and precise as usual.

"Your loyalty no longer lies with us. You heart has already gone elsewhere. What use do I have in here," she paused, catching her breath. "I cannot come to think that I'm going to fight against someone that I love. I cannot come to think that the man I love is actually my enemy!"

Snape quirked his eyebrow. "I think it is common knowledge in the Order that I am a Death Eater."

"Yes, it is. You've tricked them all right, they all believe that you're a spy for our side. Little did they know that you're an Order member in disguise! You're a Slytherin through and through!" Hermione hiccupped, trying to look dignified with all the tears smearing her makeup.

"So this is what you think of me," Snape said to himself.

Gone was the softness in his features, replaced by nothing but bitterness.

"For the past decade, I've been helping Dumbledore. I've tried. Really, I have. Do you know how dangerous it is to be a double agent? Do you know how hard it is to punch so many holes in your heart and bury all those secrets inside your chest? Can you even imagine feeling the pain of torturing others and being tortured every single day?" Snape spat, his gaze burning into Hermione's.

"I've tried to help Dumbledore, Hermione, but he has already lost the war. I know it. I just know when a war is lost. Dumbledore is a great man but he's too obsessed with his belief in love. He says that love is an ancient and powerful magic, that love can conquer it all. But no, not when it's against such a dark force. The world belongs to the strong. Love won't be able to save us."

"Isn't Harry a living example? Lily protected him. It was her love that saved Harry from the Killing Curse." Hermione argued.

"Oh really? What about me then, huh? I've loved Lily Evans for most of my life. She was the reason why I could survive my childhood. So why isn't she still living? Why can't my love save her from the Dark Lord?" Snape's face reddened in anger, his body vibrating such powerful magic that the windows started shaking.

Hermione gripped the chair next to her for support, her eyes bulged in shock at Snape's outburst. Never had she seen him so angry before. Not even when he found her flipping over his old album with all his snapshots of Lily's angelic smile.

Snape turned his back to Hermione and slammed his first on the table, knocking a vase off by accident.

When it hit the ground, the echo was ever so loud.

Somehow, the house seemed to turn even chillier.

He heaved a sigh and faced Hermione once again. "Join me, Hermione. The Dark Lord will be delighted. He'll be so thrilled to get another ally, especially someone like you. A girl so full of intelligence, a girl being so close to Potter. And after the war, we can have another life. We can start all over again."

Hermione shook her head in defeat. Seeing so, Snape took her hands, trying to give her some courage. "If it's your blood status that you're concerned about, then I can assure you that it is unnecessary. Although you're a Muggle-born, the Dark Lord will have mercy. He rewards those who are loyal to him. You'll be the Dark Lord's most valuable informant, just like a jewel in the crown," Snape gently pushed Hermione's chin up and look directly into her eyes "I can protect you."

"Maybe you can, but will you?" Hermione croaked "You did this once to Lily Evans. I'm sure you can do this a second time."

Hermione desperately searched for any signs of Snape's change of mind. "No. If surviving means to join Voldemort, I'd rather sacrifice myself to save others. There's no way that I'm going to betray everyone in the Order." Seeing Snape's hardened face, she continued "Do you know why you get to face all this kind of dilemmas again and again? It's because you don't trust your heart. You have too many roles to bear, Severus. You've lost yourself on the way. Maybe, just for once, try to think of something that is not about winning or losing this war. Try to do something for yourself. Instead of following orders, follow your heart."

She glanced at the shiny play thing that is resting on her finger, and slowly took it off. "This ring holds too many promises and too much responsibility. I think, for the time being, you should take it back." Hermione put it on the table, her fingers lingered on it for a second too long.

"Goodbye, Severus. I hope that by the time I see you again, you won't be hiding your face behind a mask." She leaned in and put a wet kiss on his face.

And with that, Hermione turned on her heels and left.

Snape was dazed.

He picked up the silver ring, playing it around his fingers, thinking of his life-long commitment to Hermione.

His gaze moved to the broken vase on the floor.

_A broken promise, a broken relationship._

His face was full of wonder.

0 0 0

"_I used to think that you're an annoying know-it-all."_

"_I used to think that you're the greasy git in the dungeons," she teased._

"_And now?" _

"_You're still a jerk in many ways but behind all those facades, you're a big softie inside. You can love. You can love deep."_

"_Only for Hermione."_

_She saw a flicker of passion in his eyes. _

_It was so intensifying that it was as if his gaze was burning inside her soul._

0 0 0

Hermione sat by the windows, hugging her knees.

She didn't realize that tears were dropping down her cheeks, mirroring the raindrops that were sliding down the window sill.

0 0 0

"_It would never work out between us" Snape said, desperately denying his feelings for her._

"_Only if you believe it is."_

_Somehow, their lips were suddenly inches away from each other._

_He felt his head leaning closer. _

_Never had he realized that her lips were so full._

_Without even thinking what he was dong, he closed their distance and softly brushed her lips with his own._

0 0 0

Snape scowled at the memory.

He poured himself a generous amount of Fire Whiskey, drowning himself yet again in self-pity.

0 0 0

_I thought he would chase after me._

Hermione looked back at the house, sensing a sudden wave of disappointment.

_He always does._

The street seemed so cold without his presence.

0 0 0

"Hey, what's wrong with Hermione," Ron asked, his face crowded with confusion. "She doesn't speak, she doesn't eat. She just came back from nowhere, soaked from head to toe and has locked herself up in her room ever since."

Harry simply shrugged, his mind holding the same thought.

0 0 0

_I thought she would come back._

Snape glanced at the unmoved wooden door, feeling an unexpected flow of sadness.

_She always does._

The house seemed so quiet without her laughter.

0 0 0

"Do you notice that Snape has turned into his brooding mood again lately?" Ron whispered when Tonks was entertaining the crowd with her ever changing hairstyle.

"Oh please, it's not like he has ever stopped being a jerk." Harry muttered in response.

They smirked.

0 0 0

The bell rang for one precise moment in Number 12, Grimmauld Place.

"Go get the door, Hermione." Ron said, with his gaze never leaving his new Chudley Cannon poster.

"Ronald, why can't you just do me a favor by Apparating down? The door is just a second away," Hermione snapped, her hand moving feverishly on a parchment "I'm working on my paper against the Marriage Law. I have to present it to the Wizengamot after the holiday!"

"Like you said, my dearest Hermione, it's only one second away."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Oh stop it, both of you! Please, Hermione, it's Christmas Eve today. Your working habit is really driving me crazy."

Hermione slammed her quill down, scowled and smacked their heads during her way out.

" 'Mione's scowling all the time these days. She's becoming more like the git." Harry commented when he heard the loud crack of Hermione's disapparation.

Ron rubbed his head and nodded.

0 0 0

The bell rang once more.

"I'm coming," Hermione walked faster towards the door. "You're late for our Christmas --- "

Hermione stopped in mid sentence when she saw the figure standing by the door.

"Feast." She said a little breathlessly, taking in the image of the Potions Master.

At that moment, all she wanted to do was to run into his arms and tell him how much she missed him.

But instead, she swallowed all those words down to her stomach and asked, "Why are you here?"

"Someone very dear to me once told me that my duty is to my heart."

"And why does it make you come here?" Hermione's voice quivered, trying in vain to steady herself and hold back the tears.

"My heart tells me that it lies right here."

Snape took a step closer and tentatively reached for Hermione's hands, his eyes never leaving her face.

Hermione looked at their holding hands.

Her small delicate hands were being securely covered by his, so big and so warm.

There was a great difference, yes, but for some reason, they fitted perfectly.

She found her hand slowly retrieved from his grip and reached out, softly brushing his battered face.

Severus Snape found his heart pounding faster than ever.

His eyes were gleaming with hope, his hands vibrating with all his warmth and strength, silently pleading for Hermione's acceptance and understanding and at the same time, reassuring her that he would never hurt her again and that he would do anything in his power to protect her.

Hermione glanced at the man that was standing right in front of her, finally putting a big smile on her face.

Snape had ever felt like wanting to dance and laugh as much as he wanted to right now.

For the first time in forty years, he realized that to survive the war didn't mean you have to vow your loyalty to the winning side.

It's to enjoy your life and live it with happiness.

For when your remaining days were numbered, spending them with those that you love was all that mattered.

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_**A/N:** Well, this is the longest oneshot that I've written so far and I do hope that it didn't bore you guys to death at the middle. This fanfic is actually inspired by some of the books and TV Dramas that I've read/watched in these few years so credits should go to all those wonderful creators. Critics are appreciated and thank you for your support, my wonderful readers! _


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